There seems to be an unspoken "rule" that tells single people to socialize with single people and married people to socialize with married people. It's okay to have a little bit of crossover, but usually only if you knew the friends when you and they were in the same group. I used to be a believer. "Yeah, I have a few friends here," I would say to myself, "but most of them are MARRIED!" I felt that my social life was in ruins if I didn't have single friends to hang out with. And then I started to realize how valuable those married friends were - as FRIENDS. In reality, marital status doesn't matter at all when it comes to friendship. What matters is the person. And so, I encourage you to not discount possible friendships if it is the person's marital status that is holding you back. Of course, I'm talking mostly about same-sex friends in a heterosexual marriage. Be careful about forming friendships with an opposite-sex person who is married. In those cases, you'll want to form the friendship with the couple as a whole. Just to keep everybody safe & covered. But, I'll say it again: Married people can be just as fun as single people, and friendships with people who are married can be just as meaningful as friendships with other single people. Friendships can ALWAYS be great!
One thing I struggled with in the past was not being called to go out with friends. It seemed like I spent most of my free time by myself at home. Of course, this was often one of those relativity problems, where not going out seemed to happen so much more than going out that I felt like I "never did anything," even though I did get calls occasionally.
I found out it was a matter of being proactive. It wasn't that my friends didn't want to do anything with me. It was more that they, too, were waiting for a message or phone call or that they didn't know what to do with their time, either. Or they were having a busy week or something. So, everyone gets to take a turn at making the plans sometimes. At times, it may be frustrating if a lot of people happen to be busy on the date you're planning for or something like that. But, often, others will jump at an offer to do something with a friend if given the opportunity and time to plan for it. Other times, going out may not be an option for someone but an in-home visit might be. So that's something else to consider. It may take some practice to find things that people like to do and to get good at the timing. I'm still working on it, myself. So be flexible with your plans. Be willing to go roller skating or to the movies on a different night. Or be willing to drop by for a chat instead of going out to dinner. And money is often a consideration, as well (both for yourself and for your friends). Be willing and creative enough to make plans that do not involve money. There are lots of possibilities. Don't be afraid to make the calls and send the messages! People will often be glad you called even if they're not available to socialize. And this will build your relationships as well, as you get to know your friends by chatting over the phone or through other correspondence. And if going out when you're ready just doesn't work for anyone else's schedule, don't be afraid to go out on your own once in a while. A lot of activities you enjoy with your friends can also be enjoyed with just yourself (see the "Having Fun" and "Home Hobbies" pages above). This can also be an opportunity to explore things that would be fun to do with friends as well as to get ideas for those "economical" activities. |
AuthorI'm Brittney, and I live in Indiana. I'm currently single, and I love it. Friendships have always been important to me, and I've made a lot of deep and wonderful friendships. Like most people, I like spending time with groups of friends as well as one-on-one with friends. But I always have room to grow and learn, so this page is where I'll be talking about social/relationship topics. Archives
September 2012
Categories
All
|